WHO KNEW?

I've been doing this for years, but had no idea it cured hangovers. It just made me popular at Minus' parties.

Nemesis
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UNORIGINAL SARCASTIC POST OF THE DAY

This girl is not attractive at all. And leftside is very smart. And I'm really very clever.

Really.

Nemesis
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HELLO CRAZY BITCH

What. The. Fuck.

Nemesis
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THE TROUBLE WITH VENEZUELA

In recent days we have all heard about the impending trouble with Venezuela. Well, that's how the country's president Hugo Chavez would have you think. Venezuela isn't an interest of the US in that they have anything to offer that we can't get somewhere else. With the recent claims of Chavez that he will jail anyone trying to gather intelligence on his military, it just solidifies the fact that the man is completely off his rocker. Paranoid and crazy just about perfectly describes this alleged leader. With his inviting of Sheehan to visit, it would make sense that he keeps that sort of company. What an idiot...

Minus
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CINDY SHEEHAN FAILS TO SURPRISE, AGAIN

No surprise found here.

Should you choose not to read this article (I highly recommend it, if for no other reason that to show what an idiot this woman truly is), I will briefly describe it for you.

This week on Sheehanigans, the Cashew got the Venezuelan Foreign Ministry to sponsor her visit to the country to attend an anti-war type rally. It is genuinely comforting to know that a country with no troops in said war are protesting it. No, no, it really makes sense.

While there, Sheehan has praised the socialist weasel Hugo Chavez and intends to meet with the equally-deranged individual. With no one really caring about Sheehan and her ilk in the United States (except perhaps the IRS and FBI) where most people have seen through her insipid ranting, she has taken to Venezuela to show solidarity with communism and socialism. What a surprise. If this isn't evidence that both systems are a step backwards, I don't know what is. With Sheehan becoming a member of the self-proclaimed "axis of good" by association, she has taken the next step from completely going off the deep end; she has dug herself a hole.

Why is it that from her crew of "supporters" that only the queen nut went to Venezuela? Supporters indeed. Dummies, the lot of 'em.

Minus
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AT LEAST ONE IDIOT WRITES FOR THE LA TIMES

His name is Joel Stein. See why here.

For the most part I am fairly understanding of other people's opinions. This opinion is just stupid and not deserving of respect or understanding. Take a breath though and realize that this too is what makes America who she is.

Minus
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A ROLLING STONE GATHERS NO PRAISE

With the upcoming Rolling Stone cover depicting the debatable racist/rapper, Kanye West as Jesus I am a bit disturbed.

To think that a scumbag like Kanye with his racist views is in any way representative of Jesus Christ is just stupid. Rolling Stone should think twice about what they are trying to convey with this tripe. This is almost as good as comparing Cashew Sheehan to a civil rights hero like Rosa Parks. West's self-admitted addiction to porn doesn't do Jesus any justice either. It just doesn't add up. That dude is a chump is more representative of David Duke than Jesus by a longshot.

Minus
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JUST ONE MORE FOR TONIGHT...

Read.

With the night coming to a close and my eyes growing tired, I submit this as the final entry of the night. In light of all recent events surrounding the ineptitude of the governing body of Louisiana, New Orleans in specific, why the hell is Ray Nagin still the mayor of the town? What was he thinking?!

"Dude, mayor, Bill Bennett snuck one in there...go ahead, you'll be fine. The American people will just brush it off, don't worry."

What a dummy, Malik Zulu Shabazz style.

Minus
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SEMI-HISTORY LESSON AND MEDIA MISCONCEPTIONS

You may see 'Media Misconceptions' and think to yourself: really?! Imagine that. In this article there is detail of a man convicted of felony hacking.

The 20-year-old man from California admitted to seizing control of thousands of computers for promotion of pop-up ads for which he was paid $61,000 USD. Jeanson James Archeta faces up to 6 years in prison. What may be the misconception in this case is the use of the word "hacker". The media has taken this word and turned it to pure evil, invoking images of idiots like Archeta and giving real hackers a bad name.

It used to be that a hacker was someone who "hacked" away at the keyboard producing code and being able to hack (modify) software and hardware. It was first introduced to the public by MIT labs where the hackers were producing the code for programs back in the 1960's. Since the personal computer revolution (thanks to both Steves) of the 1970's the personal computer has become commonplace in many homes across the world. In the early 1980's those hackers developed into (typically) the teenagers lucky enough to own a TRS-80 (trash-80) from the local Rat Shack who found an almost surreal interest in the technology placed before them. With this interest the new breed of hacker used this technology to exploit security vulnerabilities and learn the ins and outs of all-things computer related. This in turn led to the discovery of how the telephone networks functioned (both pre and post AT&T divestiture) and brought about the term "phreaker" meaning nothing more than a hacker of the telephone system.

These were not the script kiddies that you see running rampant across the internet today. You know the type; the kid who has a program that does all of the work for them, but without the knowledge pertaining to the how or the why it works for them. They consider themselves hackers because they use the knowledge already discovered by many before them. They are not hackers. This type of kid (including Archeta) has turned the word hacker into the evil that it is today. What is not realized is that this type of person is referred to as a "cracker" simply because they want to break into computer systems and steal information, sell it for profit etc. They are a disgrace to the true hacker.

There are several famous hackers and phreakers that are worthy of mention here. Keep in mind due to their own undoing some became crackers and cheated their own ethic. First mention should go to the likes of Captain Crunch (a.k.a. John Draper). Draper was introduced to the art of phreaking by his blind friend Joe Engressia when Joe showed Draper that the simple use of a toy whistle found in boxes of Cap'n Crunch cereal at the time, produced the 2600Hz tone necessary to emulate the signal to AT&T that a trunk line was waiting to be used (and you could get free telephone calls). Next I would probably mention the likes of crews like the LOD and the MOD. LOD stemmed from old members of the crew known as the Knights of Shadow. Most notable were Erik Bloodaxe (a.k.a. Chris Goggans), Lex Luthor, Prime Suspect, Phase Jitter, Professor Falken and Skinny Puppy; all forming LOD. Also around the same time was a group formed (some say) from disgruntled members of LOD, calling themselves MOD. MOD didn't initially have any meaning and was in fact supposed to be a joke in itself. At any rate, the feud began supposedly because a member of one crew (on a conference bridge) a racial epithet and things went downhill. The major players were Erik Bloodaxe (Chris Goggans), Doc Holliday (Scott Chasin) of LOD and Mark Abene (Phiber Optik), Elias Ladopoulos (Acid Phreak), Paul Sitra (Scorpion) of MOD. The feud escalated to the point of members of MOD cracking and downloading credit files, toll fraud, etc. perpetrated against members of LOD. LOD's Chris Goggans is now a one-man security consulting firm (becoming an informant for the FBI and Secret Service; post Operation Sundevil in which the Atlanta 3 of LOD were nailed). Most of the other players served jailtime for their "hacking" activities and are now employed (as they should be) by security firms. I would say that the likes of Kevin Poulsen, Justin Peterson and Kevin Mitnick were on the fringes of the terms.

The point of all this is to demonstrate that there were some that started in line with the original hacker ethic to exploit systems for security vulnerabilities (and then report them to the company in question) but strayed into the cracker realm against their own original ethic. The media has taken the word hacker to encompass people who steal and break into computer systems. This is not the case! The word hacker should have always been left to its original definition given by the MIT crowd. This rant does not justice to the entire history of hacking now spanning over 40 years. Just a rant really...

Minus
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BOLIVIA IS HEADED FOR THE CRAPPER

Bolivia has just elected a socialist weasel as president. Evo Morales (who you may remember shares the same sleeping bag with Castro and Chavez) says that his government's move to socialism will be independent and not influenced by outside powers. Besides outside powers like Cuba and Venezuela you mean? One of the biggest selling points on this puppets agenda includes natural gas. Who wants to bet that we will be seeing more of ousted German chancellor Gerhard Scrotum, er Schroeder and Russian president Vladimir Putin paying more attention to Bolivia?

The situation kind of reminds me of this t-shirt available here:


At any rate, this deserves special attention by the US. With morons like Castro and Chavez coaching from the sidelines to mold Bolivia into something they can manipulate at the expense of the people that live there (as Socialism and Communism tend to do), the US should pay attention to and offer her own coaching staff to prevent another failed nation in South America. Hopefully with this coaching, Morales will see fit the benefits of a free-market vice the more radical, damaging ways of his bed-buddies.

Minus
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SOME PEOPLE ARE CLUELESS

In an article published in "The Village Voice" some person stated that Cindy Sheehan was the "Rosa Parks of the anti-war movement". What utter garbage that is and why it was allowed to be published is a mystery to me. Comparing a hero like Rosa Parks to a dimwitted cashew like Sheehan is disgusting and about as far off as one can get in comparing two things.

The article I came across was in reference to when the cashew was spouting off anti-American rhetoric when the NYPD took the mic from the clutches of her filthy paws and shut her down. I won't even reference the article a) because it's old news and b) because it was published by a propaganda rag. The point is that some people are just clueless as to compare apples to oranges...but they sure do try.

Minus
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LOGICAL PROTEST?

As many readers may or may not know, there was a large disturbance in the force not too long ago detailing the process of eminent domain. In this article the protestors are taking it a step further. Have a read won't you?

Should you choose not to read the article, I will try and sum it up for you here. A while back a Supreme Court ruling (in this blogs opinion, a crappy ruling) allowed localized governments the power to be able to seize an individual's property for the use of economic development. Read that as: if you can make money off of the land, then it's at risk. There are several people unhappy about the concept of eminent domain, and they should be. It is the legal (sneaky) way of stripping away your rights to private property and liberty.

Some 'activists' (many know how I feel about the stigma surrounding activists) have taken the ruling to the next level. Justice David Souter was one Justice who voted in favor of eminent domain. Now, a group led by a California man is petitioning to have Souter evicted from his own home (in New Hampshire) and have a hotel named the "Lost Liberty Hotel" erected in its place. All in the name of eminent domain. This did get enough signatures to be brought before voters in March by the way. This will be interesting and you should keep an eye on it!

Minus
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ANOTHER HAIKU. JUST BECAUSE I CAN.

Alito should be
confirmed automatically
too bad Reid sucks cock

Nemesis
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DISGRUNTLED RETURN HAIKU

It took the Bears loss
to get me to blog again
I blame democrats

Nemesis
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Godamn Bears

Dear Mr. Grossman,

Go fuck yourself.

Love,

Chicago

Nemesis
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JAPANESE WHALING FLEET: 2, GREENPEACE WHINERS: 0

Morons.

The raft that has been shadowing the Japanese whaling fleet for some time now is causing nothing but trouble, and curiously accomplishing nothing at all. This time the raft tried to block a harpoon from hitting a whale. Well, the Japanese fleet fared well that day, they not only scored a clean kill of the whale, but also in the process knocked an "activist" into the icy-ocean.

"Our harpooner had a clear shot and took it. The strike was perfect and the whale was killed instantly," said Hiroshi Hatanaka of Japan's Institute of Cetacean Research. Had the Greenpeace morons not tried to cut the line, they could have saved a trip into Davy Jones' Locker. Furthermore, if they had cut the line, what would that have done for the whale? I mean, it would still have a freaking harpoon stuck in it right? Dead either way much like the brains of Greenpeace. PETA and Greenpeace are of the same caliber; mentally unstable and worthless in their entirety.

Minus
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NOSTRADAMUS SPOKE TO ME AGAIN

He provided me the following quatrain apparently in reference to the NFL's Super Bowl:

"Denver Broncos Rock Your Face
They Will Defeat the Patriots
Of New England and Meet the Bears
Of Chicago in the Super Bowl"

With all of the fame and Nostradamus himself (yes, from beyond) predicting I would have written a certain entry, I will begin to take odds on the Super Bowl. Nemesis, your Bears are going down. Of course, this could all change in a couple of hours if the D-Town Broncos get beat by New England, but I don't think they will. Why not? Rushing and receiving that's why not. Denver should be able to utilize their already prevalent talent in both of these areas to defeat the Patriots. Good luck Broncos!

Minus
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FLORIDA GUNMAN DIES OF INJURIES

One of many articles.

In the above article, the account of Chris Penley, an eighth-grader of Winter Springs, Florida has died of his wounds. Initially, Chris pulled out a pellet pistol in his classroom forcing a student into a closet.

Chris apparently led Florida S.W.A.T. team members on a short chase that ended in one of the school's bathrooms. Chris raised the pellet pistol (which for all intents looked like it was a 9mm Beretta to the S.W.A.T. members) when the authorities put him down. Chris later died of his injuries in the hospital where his organs will be donated.

While a shame that this kid is now dead, let's face some facts: this kid was an idiot for even pulling out a toy gun in his school. To make matters worse he turns it into a micro-hostage situation with the kid in the closet and then raises his toy gun as if to fire at the authorities. Even more disturbing is that the kid painted or taped over the portion of the barrel that is usually bright pink or orange designating it as a fake. I wonder what society will claim is responsible this time? Which movie, or music is to blame this time? In previous instances I would say that downright crappy parenting is to blame. Reason: how could you not know that your "little angels" are building IEDs in your basement? Answer: You are a crappy parent.

I don't know so much about this instance with Chris and the Florida S.W.A.T., but as it develops I will try and make an educated decision based on the facts. Until then, I say that while unfortunate, the kid was an idiot. I am also disturbed by some of the comments made by neighbors and fellow students:

"He was a quiet kid - polite and everything. He was just a normal teenager."

Paul Cavallini, Neighbor

A normal teenager doesn't bring toy guns to school with the intent on shoving kids into closets at gunpoint, Paul.

"...told me he wanted to kill himself dozens of times."

Patrick Lafferty, Neighbor

Apparently according to the young Lafferty he had known Chris for over six years and had been told "dozens of times" that he wanted to end his own life. Exactly how many times did you tell someone of Chris' intentions? Did you just not care? Gee, guess it's real now isn't it? Kelly Swofford, also a neighbor said the boy had run away from home several times. Her 11-year-old son, Jeffery Swofford, said Penley had said he had something planned.

""He said `I hope I die today because I don't really like my life,'"

Jeffery Swofford, Neighbor, Schoolmate

How many times had you mentioned this to someone that day? The incident began at 0938...school convenes prior to that time. Weak.

An excerpt from the article:

Jeffery Swofford said Penley had been in a disagreement with someone, allegedly over a girl. There was going to be a fight Friday, he said. "I heard a rumor that he had a BB gun, but I didn't think he really had one," he added.

At the school Friday, Marie Hargis, whose son and daughter attend Milwee, held a sign that read "Stop the violence."

"My youngest daughter is just very emotionally messed up," she said. "She started crying and said, `Mommy, I don't want to go back.' They should not fear having to go to school."

All because of a fight eh? So, several people apparently knew of this kids emotions and even the event that was to take place, but no one did anything? Well, Marie Hargis brought a sign after the shooting took place...good work dummy, you're helping a lot; but you are right that children shouldn't have to fear going to school.

Moral of my rant/entry: parents should pay more $#@!*^% attention to their kids! While you are reading about this incident and thinking about what society will place the blame on and while you wait for the report to come out, some kid out there thinks it's acceptable to settle the score with guns and bombs at school. Lay off the lameass "Time Out" corner bullshit and discipline your children so that there is no question about what is right and what is wrong. Within those defined confines of your applied discipline it is natural for your kid to experiment with your defined laws; so be it. It is a hell of a lot better than losing your kid to some stupid crap like in Florida. Crappy parents make me sick.

Minus
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NEW JERSEY SLOGAN IS LAME

In a recent move to, well, I am not sure what the reasoning really is, New Jersey has decided to change its slogan from "New Jersey and you, perfect together" to "New Jersey: Come see for yourself". I suppose this new slogan is aimed at drawing tourists to the Garden State.

New Jersey and You, Perfect Together. No, no we're not. That will not make me want to visit Jersey.

New Jersey: Come and See for Yourself. No, I don't think I will. I have heard too many bad things about Jersey to see them for myself. Not to mention that prior to the slogan, I could "come and see for myself" but chose not to, based on the bad things I hear about Jersey.

Not surprisingly, the lowest crime rate in Jersey is off of the coast in the ocean. One thing that will entice me to come to Jersey is not being able to find a hotel in New York City and being forced outward to Seacaucus to enjoy the Manhattan skyline.

Minus
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PETA: WHERE HAS ALL THE MONEY GONE?

While scanning channels last night I caught a bit of the eccentric personality of Ted Nugent on Donny Deutsch's show. While not in complete agreement with either person's politics, Nuge had some well-informed truths to say. I hadn't really paid much attention to the terrorist organization financier much in the past until I found out that the money that PETA receives is basically squandered to third-rate amateurs of the terrorist organizations of ELF and ALF.

A while back there was a scandal when someone told of where the money PETA receives really goes. Not to protect and ethically treat animals, mind you. The donations that hard working American's forked over to these criminals went to euthanize the animals simply because PETA didn't see fit to save them. Perhaps the books were a bit off balance that month due to the need to finance their domestic terrorist partners in crime? I seem to remember PETA trying to get Slaughterville, Oklahoma to change its name to "Veggieville" or some such nonsense in exchange for $20,000 USD worth of veggie burgers. Here are some choice quotes from the passionate PETA persons:

"Six million Jews died in concentration camps, but six billion broiler chickens will die this year in slaughter houses."

-Ingrid Newkirk, President, PETA, The Washington Post, November 13, 1983.

"Arson, property destruction, burglary and theft are 'acceptable crimes' when used for the animal cause."

"We feel that animals have the same rights as retarded children."

-Alex Pacheco, Director, PETA, New York Times, January 14, 1989.

Really classy. What a bunch of idiots; the lot of them. I was less than impressed when Ingrid Newkirk asked Yassir Arafat (while he was alive) to spare animals in suicide attacks; nevermind the human lives eh, Ingrid? Dummy. PETA is a waste of space. Someone has even devoted an entire website to their dissent towards the corrupt "organization" and its allies. If PETA had their way, you couldn't have a pet, drink milk or even have a tasty ribeye, or nice slightly-fatty piece of prime rib with a bit of horseradish.

Meat tastes good and apparently has for hundreds of thousands of years. PETA sounds like a bunch of scumbags stuck on stupid to me.

Minus
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345+ GET STOMPED-OUT

345 Dead.

At the Hajj, at least 345 Muslims were stomped out by their "brothers and sisters" during the pilgrimage. In Mina, Saudi Arabia what was to be a recreation of a stoning to purge themselves of sin ended in disaster. Why? Because there are literally thousands upon thousands of people trying to get to the same place at the same time. This time, they tripped over a bunch of luggage. How senseless is that? Is there a timeline involved somewhere during the pilgrimage, or could everyone possibly wait their turn? What a mess.

Minus
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ALITO NEARLY TO THE SUPREME COURT

With confirmation hearings nearing their end, it looks as if Supreme Court Justice hopeful, Sam Alito will be confirmed as aging Justice Sandra Day O'Connor. I must admit that I haven't read too much up on Sam Alito, but in the initial reading that I have done it seems to me that he is an alright candidate to sit on the bench.

With all of the hype, try not to rule out either of the facts that may present themselves; the Democrats promised not to filibuster, or they will. There were also some heated exchanges within the panel itself, most notably between Senators Specter and Swimmer. Worth checking out!

Minus
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SORRY, I ALREADY DID THAT

Read!

The military has come up with a handheld device that allows you hear through up to 12 inches of concrete. This is a great tool, but I have already invented it. Have a look:

I am deciding whether or not to pursue legal action. I may let this one slide as they have a better packaging that may be more useful to the troops in Iraq; God Bless them.

Minus
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THERE'S GOLD IN THEM THAR PORTFOLIOS

With gold hitting an all-time high of $550.00 USD per ounce today, it may be wise to begin to diversify your portfolio with some precious metals. I know, I know; some readers are saying to themselves: "but Minus, how exactly do I buy stock in Whitesnake?" Well, that's not the type of precious metal I am talking about. Get yourself some gold, silver (it's much cheaper, but has a future), platinum and paladium. Do it!

Minus
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AWW, RATS!

This is for real.

First blogged about by Zinga over at Word, a man tried to rid himself of a mouse by chucking it into a pile of burning leaves. The mouse, following the "never give up" philosophy, ran back into the man's house whilst on fire and set the house ablaze. The man now lives in a hotel room and is probably second guessing his decision.

Perhaps related to the rat-bear, the firemouse has ruined this guy's day.

Minus
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GameCrap ONLINE

There was a person I knew whilst in the service in Germany who was not of a decent moral fiber, but loved to play video games. Unfortunately, this person had trouble thinking on his own and followed around his best "friend" once they got out of the service; one for being fat and generally a scumbag and the other because of a heart murmur. Their relationship was comical really. It consisted of one dragging down an otherwise smart kid. With all of the dope and booze these idiots consumed, their service to the nation left quite a bit to be desired.

At any rate, one of them is more than likely giving people mic-checks in prison for dope and the other is working for a well-known online gaming provider...but only if you have a broadband connection. At one time I considered looking into the service because of all of the classic games that I used to play. I contacted my old, worthless acquaintance for information but returning emails for the better of his newfound employer proved too difficult. There are many platforms represented including Atari, Commodore, Nintendo, Sega, Windows and even some arcade exclusive games. Due to the above lack of communication I am relegated to giving the reader more information should they so choose to participate and spark an age-old passion of playing classic games.

First and foremost the GameCrap online scenario is ultimately provided funding by a profiteering glutton who was once married to Fonda, Jane one each. That alone qualifies you for degradation of moral character, so maybe there is a connection there somewhere! On to the goods: GameCrap online requires you to have a broadband connection. This means you have to be connected to the internet to play in their scenario. GameCrap online requires a credit card number for a "free" trial. GameCrap online isn't even supported in Windows 98. They claim that PC's older than 4-years old may experience difficulties. Apple/Macintosh users can also forget it: not supported. Windows 2000/XP seems to be the weapon of choice; more than likely so they can work their PKI into the equation. Furthermore, if you don't have at least 800MHz behind you forget it. Doesn't seem like a very good service to me. GameCrap touts that the original games may be played online, but I say to be able to play the original games you will need to get yourself the original cartridges and consoles.

You may ask yourself: "But Minus, I loves to play me some classics, but I can't afford and or pony up the required machine to play them; what can I do?" Well, reader chances are you can take your chubby digits and type in "http://www.ebay.com" and find the console you are looking for. For example, if your pleasure is a Commodore 64, you can find one here. What about an Atari 2600? Right here. Next you may want to find a Sega Genesis, Saturn or Game Gear. Try here, or here, or here. Well, you may also be looking for an Intellivision. What about the Sega 32x system? Yeah, you can find those also. Oh, wait, what about the Sega Dreamcast? All available, be it on eBay or a garage sale. People don't appreciate the older systems much anymore. As you can see some are trying to profit off of your youth...real classy.

The point of all this is simply to illustrate that you don't have to pay someone else who doesn't even really support all the users that may be out there, to play what amounts to conceptually original games on the internet. Every system listed above has games offered by GameCrap, but in a modified form. You want the originals, get the consoles. I have all of the above listed consoles and they don't take up much room at all. Matter of fact, I have probably spent about $200.00 USD obtaining them all with games. That amounts to about a year of using GameCrap.

There are further alternatives! You don't have to get on eBay to get all of the consoles either! There are programs out there on the internet called emulators. What this does is emulate the game console that you want to play the games of. Sounds kind of like what GameCrap is doing right? Well, emulators are free. You want to play Mega Man all day long without having to pay for it and without having to be connected to the internet? Download the emulators and the games. You will be surprised at how many emulators are out there. This is a favorite place of mine to get emulators and the associated ROMs: CoolROM. You will find Atari 2600, NES, SNES, Nintendo 64, Neo Geo, Gameboy, Gameboy Advance and Namco System 22. You can go here to get a FREE Colecovision emulator with 18 games. You can go here for PSOne, PS2 and Dreamcast emulators and ROMs. One of my other favorites that virtually has every emulator ever (up to and including XBox, Game Cube, Macintosh, Amiga, PDA apps and arcade titles) is The Emulator Zone. All in all, go out and research your options that are much less costly and far more gratifying than giving Ted Turner part of your paycheck. In keeping with the DIY mentality, I say go with emulators and get yourself an impressive library of ROMs to go with it. Steer clear of others!

Minus
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ABOUT AS SKINNY AS A FAT KID

Whoa Fatty!

In the above article, Baltimore is described as the United States' fittest city. In 2005 it was ranked number 25 of 25. I wonder what the change of pace is? Chicago has taken over the number one spot and has the honor of being the United States' fattest city.

I share the initial surprise of many residents of Baltimore: "You have got to be kidding." I don't know how many readers have been to Baltimore, but my guess is that the numbers are cherry-picked to fit the blubber stats. If you look at the local populace you will find a largely diverse crowd of individuals. A skinny guy here, a fat lady there; pretty much the same as any other city is my guess. It makes me wonder if there aren't scientists who fly in to take the data. I wonder if they sit in their rental vehicle or perhaps a bench in the Inner Harbor and play I Spy. "There is a fat one!" screams one scientist; "Oooh, a skinny couple!" shouts another. Or, there may actually be weigh stations for pedestrians: "Pardon me fatty, we need your stats for a survey." Better still is the theory that the numbers were garnered from a relatively safe spot in Baltimore: the scientist's lab in New Mexico.

I think that the Baltimore Green Zone roughly consists of a small patch of grass outside the Hooters in the Inner Harbor. I am convinced even the animals of the Baltimore Zoo at Druid Hill are trained weapons experts.

At any rate, I am pretty certain that Chicago rising to become the nation's fattest city has something to do with a certain baseball team being so close, yet so far combined with the ensuing depression of the city's residents. Any word there Nemesis?

*Note: After a brief discussion with Nemesis this afternoon, he seems to think the sudden rush to the number one fittest position has to do with the diet of a large part of Baltimore: crystal meth and crack. Now it makes sense how they can stay so skinny.

Minus
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ENLIGHTENING ONLINE TECHNICAL SUPPORT

For Christmas, I helped family members with an upgrade from dial-up to a cable MoDem for faster access speeds and efficiency. I bought a certain MoDem and had a question about it. I pinged the technical savvy of Linksys' online support. I didn't know that it would be the most enlightening technical experience of my life. Have a look:


And the rest:



As you can see, Jesus is not only technically proficient, but he listens as well! While taken aback at first finding out that Jesus worked for Linksys, I put it together once the "visit our Knowledge Base" comment rang through...then I understood the purpose of the experience completely. Amazing, just amazing.

Minus
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PADILLA IS A WANKER

With news of a partially good nature, Jose Padilla will be able to be moved to Miami, Florida to face criminal charges. I like to see that "civil rights groups" are now defending suspected terrorists and gang members. These persons (wouldn't want to use people, it's not "PC"; pfffft) would be thinking differently had Padilla seen fit to make sure they were breathing radiation, or maybe conducted his gang's activities in their neighborhoods. I don't see how this caliber of person can be defended with a clear conscience.

Weigh in with your comments readers!

Minus
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R.I.P

Miner Article.

With a particular interest in mining (specifically hard rock mining), I was pretty happy to find out that 12 of the 13 trapped miners in Tallmansville, Virginia were alive. That is, until this morning when the information was reversed and only one of the miners was found alive.

May their souls rest in peace. I will keep the families of the miners in my thoughts in that they may make it through the ordeal. Truly a shame.

Minus
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TERRORIST ORGANIZATION ER, GREENPEACE DISRUPTS BLAIR SPEECH

Article.

The title is reference to Greenpeace's financing of terrorist activities in 2003 (Copenhagen); look it up.

Two climbers named Huw Williams and Nyls Verhauelt decided to disrupt a pro-nuclear power speech given by England's PM Tony Blair. At any rate, these two bumbleheads decided to wow the world by climbing in the rafters and unfurling an anti-nuclear banner. It did have a genius slogan though...check it out: "Nuclear: Wrong Answer". Whoever the Einstein is that writes slogans for Greenpeace should be awarded accordingly; with a swift kick to the junk. "Cat Food: Good for Cats" is an equally acceptable and powerful slogan according to the Greenpeace logic.

Tony Blair, a steadfast ally to the United States stayed calm and collected and delivered the speech albeit a bit late. One of the slogan-toting dummies had this to say:

"We should have a democratic right to have a voice here as well. This was the only way we could say what we wanted to say."

I think that the democratic intent was misplaced when they decided to interrupt the Prime Minister and creep around in the rafters, dropping leaflets on people. Being that it was only two of them I am not so sure they accomplished much at all except making fools of themselves. They did accomplish one thing; making a mockery of themselves and living up to the name of their parent organization.

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WHAT IF...

Article.

In the above article there is mention of software giant Microsoft fixing a security flaw in its Windows operating system. I just happened to think as I read the actual Yahoo! article title:

"Microsoft Prepares Patch for Windows Flaw"

I immediately thought that Microsoft had purchased the Unix operating system as the actual patch. Why? Because Tux rules your face, that's why.

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DARWIN AWARD SEMI-FINALIST

Article.

In the above article, the Swedish jackhole in question robbed a house stealing a cell phone among other things. I suppose he would have gotten away with it had he not answered the phone he had just stolen. This maneuver allowed the police to eavesdrop on his cab ride to a town 37 miles away. Nice work slick.

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SOUTH AMERICAN PROBLEMS?

Oh boy, another one.


Technically, the above photo is of a scrotum in that it contains two nuts. Evo Morales is now in a self-described "axis of good" with other nuts like Castro and Chavez. This particular nut is in a different class from that of the Sheehan-Rosenleaf variety in that he may represent a valid argument and an equally realistic threat. When combined with Castro and Chavez (two obviously insane persons), there is no good whatsoever that will come of it.

Already being pimped by the Cubans, Morales is going on a tour of places like Europe, South Africa, China and Brazil. The United States is not on his agenda. A former coca farmer, Morales is focusing on social and economic problems and attempting to solve them by utilizing the ideas of nationalism and socialism (no doubt fueled by Hugo and Fidel). He touts that Hugo in Venezuela and Fidel in Cuba are making strides in leftist policies and social movements. Morales has also given himself the title of "Washington's Nightmare".

Meanwhile in the real world, these three are being scrutinized and evaluated I am sure. While not taken completely seriously, the three are worthwhile of more notable interest. To ignore these clowns would be like laughing off Hitler in the late '30s. At any rate, keep an eye on this situation and watch for all of the US "communists" and "socialists" who are undoubtedly counting coup for this "revolution". Dummies.

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS

It's late...so what? I just returned from a much needed vacation. I spent nearly two weeks with family and friends and it was the greatest thing in the world. This entry is just to explain the lack of blogging...now I shall return to said blogging and prompt my apparently silent partner to do the same.

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