HELEN THOMAS, YOU SILLY OLD BAG

The Drudge Report has stated that Helen Thomas has vowed to kill herself if Dick Cheney runs for president in 2008.

For those of you who don't know who Helen Thomas is, allow me to refresh your memory a bit. Early sources report that Helen Thomas was hatched sometime around 14 B.C. in what is now the state of Kentucky. Deciding to be a crocthety octogenarian at an early age, Helen Thomas even went so far as to play Lon Chaney playing a morbidly horrid monster...all without makeup. Have a look:


After her brief movie career, Helen Thomas decided to work for United Press International for an astounding 57 years. She has covered every president since JFK. Helen decided to leave UPI in 2000 because the company was purchased by News World Communications, the same people who own the Washington Times; she says that had nothing to do with her resignation. Helen used to be much more respected as a journalist due to her reporting of facts vice her obviously biased questions of today. Now she is a White House correspondent.

She used to be given the respect of being able to ask the first question as well as closing with the ever-famous tagline: "Thank you, Mr. President". Thomas' habitual line-stepping has caused her to forfeit these respects due to her own ill manners. Thomas' career as a respected person ended years ago, and now it seems like she is only allowed to hang around because nobody knows what else to do with her.


Press Secretary: Yes, sir, ma'am, umm, you there, in the front row, the one with the basketball hidden under its blazer; a question?
Ms. Of Notre Dame: Why do hero biscuits taste so good?
Press Secretary: I am not sure what you mean.
Ms. Of Notre Dame: You are a blueberry head. I like toast. Oh, and you hate America. Liberals rule!
Press Secretary: Are you for real? What's happened to you?
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