Minus The Nemesis
A Collaboration of Some of the Finest Thought on Today's World


Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Way to fight the odds kid.

Brennan Hawkins has been found by volunteers after a grueling 4-day period of worry and grievance. I am glad that the kid is alright and beat the odds to live to tell the tale. Being only 11 years old, this kid will have quite the stories to tell...or will he?

Sheriff Dave Edmunds said the boy was "...in no mood to talk, that he was hungry, thirsty and wanted to see his mother". Nice work officer. Now how is young Hawkins supposed to tell stories with you telling the world he wants his mommy? For starters, Hawkins is a mountain man-esque name already, so he's got that going for him, and then he gets lost in the woods; which are where the stories begin. My ordeal would have gone a little like this (I spent some time in the Boy Scouts and am familiar with the process):

"...I took off my climbing gear to have more room to maneuver the 1,000 foot rock face I was about to tackle with my bare hands and feet. Once I was above 8,500 feet, I began to get a bit disoriented and thusly became lost and separated from my colleagues. Once I regained my composure, I made camp for the night. Using two sticks I created fire just as man had done for thousands of years before me. In the morning I trapped and consumed a squirrel, along with a side of wild-boar bacon. More curious than caring about where my original camp was, I pressed on into the barren wilderness to explore the vastness that is nature. By this time, nearly 3 days had passed and food was scarce. In my moments of desperation, I consumed slugs and drank lake water. Now I was bored with nature and decided to try and find my original camp again, only to be confronted by a 9-foot tall grizzly bear. Fearing for my life, I engaged in the most furious struggle of my young life. I will digress to the fact that grizzlies can wrestle quite well. Even in my weakened state, its strength was no match for mine and took flight when I removed one of his ears with my teeth. By the time the volunteers had found me, I was hot on the trail of my original camp. Lost? No. Curious? That's more like it. I was not in a mood to speak, agreed. I was not thirsty, nor hungry, for after my fight with the grizzly, my thirst was quenched by his blood and my hunger erased by his ear..."

Instead, the sheriff had to alleviate any chance of a winning story like that by stating the kid wanted his mommy. Oh well. On a serious note, at least he is safe now.

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