ABOUT AS SKINNY AS A FAT KID

Whoa Fatty!

In the above article, Baltimore is described as the United States' fittest city. In 2005 it was ranked number 25 of 25. I wonder what the change of pace is? Chicago has taken over the number one spot and has the honor of being the United States' fattest city.

I share the initial surprise of many residents of Baltimore: "You have got to be kidding." I don't know how many readers have been to Baltimore, but my guess is that the numbers are cherry-picked to fit the blubber stats. If you look at the local populace you will find a largely diverse crowd of individuals. A skinny guy here, a fat lady there; pretty much the same as any other city is my guess. It makes me wonder if there aren't scientists who fly in to take the data. I wonder if they sit in their rental vehicle or perhaps a bench in the Inner Harbor and play I Spy. "There is a fat one!" screams one scientist; "Oooh, a skinny couple!" shouts another. Or, there may actually be weigh stations for pedestrians: "Pardon me fatty, we need your stats for a survey." Better still is the theory that the numbers were garnered from a relatively safe spot in Baltimore: the scientist's lab in New Mexico.

I think that the Baltimore Green Zone roughly consists of a small patch of grass outside the Hooters in the Inner Harbor. I am convinced even the animals of the Baltimore Zoo at Druid Hill are trained weapons experts.

At any rate, I am pretty certain that Chicago rising to become the nation's fattest city has something to do with a certain baseball team being so close, yet so far combined with the ensuing depression of the city's residents. Any word there Nemesis?

*Note: After a brief discussion with Nemesis this afternoon, he seems to think the sudden rush to the number one fittest position has to do with the diet of a large part of Baltimore: crystal meth and crack. Now it makes sense how they can stay so skinny.

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