THE GREAT HYPE

If you are interested.

With news of Tom "I am Batshit Insane" Cruise and Katie "Why Is My Drink Turning Blue" Holmes having popped out their alien spore, I can't help but want to climb Everest (not because it's there) and shout about how much I am tired of celebrity nonsense. Congratulations John Q. Public, you have made it so.

Congratulations aren't necessarily in order for the couple, as that kid may well be on its way to being ruined for life; already. Apparently Suri has its roots in Hebrew (princess) and Persian (red rose) and Alien (all your brainwaves are belong to us). Kirstie Alley (I know, I was like, who?) has come out of the woodwork (or ho-ho as the case may be) and offered congratulations. Being a fellow scientologist and basically fat, Alley said that she wanted to see the baby immediately. I am not sure what the intent was there...perhaps a midday snack, or an offering to Xenu; you make the call.

Ironically indeed, Brooke Shields' baby, Grier Hammond Henchy was born on the same day. This was no doubt a cruel hoax perpetrated by Xenu itself, however, I am sure the Shields kid will turn out fine and the Cruise baby will be locked away in a baby case on some mothership before too long. I am still sticking to my two-year window.

Minus