WHAT AM I, CHOPPED LIVER?

In an MtN first, a guest writer responds to the latest, "amazing" stunt of David Blaine.

In an "amazing" stunt, alleged magician David Blaine hung upside down for about 60 hours. Wow. What is it you think I do you steeze-biter? This "amazing" feat wasn't complete without piss breaks or checkups by doctors either. Do you think that I have doctors on call or take breaks to urinate Blaine? No! I grew up in the hard caves of the southwest, son. The caves where the bat doo-doo is so thick it would have reduced your "amazing" stunt to a mere chuckle.

Now, I enjoy watching your other magic tricks such as trying to grow a moustache or your acting skills after a "levitation", but hanging upside down? Golly gee, that is "amazing". I catch bugs with radar, stupid! Well, not technically radar, but echolocation, the shrill beep beeps coming from my face still would have shattered that lame-ass plexiglass box you stuffed yourself into for 44 days, chief. Let me put it into a bit of batspective: while you were busy losing fans, people were mining my poops! I crap commodities.

At last, the 60 hours were up and the dénouement was near. The crowd was just waiting for the "amazing" finish such as leaping from the gantry into a stack of cardboard boxes or some such nonsense. But no! What happened instead? You "amazed" everyone by wearing black and getting lifted off into the night sky by a freaking crane. Ooh la la.

BatFace